


Sometimes it helps to talk: Sam, 2014

by LadyAnneNeville



Series: Natasha Romanoff and the Good Guys [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Character Development, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov centric, POV Sam Wilson, Post Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Sam Wilson centric, fall of shield aftermath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-31 08:57:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20112496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAnneNeville/pseuds/LadyAnneNeville
Summary: After the fall of Shield, Sam is surprised to see Natasha Romanoff appear at some of his VA support group meetings. What is she hiding that drives her there?The foundation of the friendship of Sam Wilson and Natasha Romanoff. Part of my series which looks at Natasha making the Avengers her family. This is written mainly from the perspective of Sam. It is after the main events of The Winter Soldier but before Natasha's capital hill hearings. A dialogue heavy character development piece that bridges some of the gap between caws and AoU.





	Sometimes it helps to talk: Sam, 2014

The first time she showed up at the veterans association, Sam had a suspicion that he was about to be pulled off into another world saving mission, and spent most of the session on edge because of it. It was a Tuesday morning. He didn't notice her until the start of the meeting, when he was scanning the circle for new faces. She stood out, mainly because she was a petite woman. While there were no height restrictions on the armed forces, most members tended to be men, and the women who did join tended to be tall and athletic. Natasha was athletic but petite.

She sat nonchalantly in a hoodie and jeans, and remained quiet for the entire meeting, listening to the stories of the other veterans and drawing no attention to herself whatsoever. After the meeting he was drawn into a conversation with one of his regular attendees for a couple of minutes and by the time he looked around, she was gone.

He ran sessions three mornings a week, and four evenings, but he didn't see Natasha again for a week and a half. She showed up for his Thursday evening session, again sat quietly and disappeared before he could catch her. He was now less sure of her motives.

He became even more confused when she was there on his Saturday morning session, and when he saw her at a coffee shop across the street with another of his regulars before the Tuesday evening session which she also attended. Natasha always seemed to arrive in the last moments before the meeting began and slip away before he could catch her. He also realised that while he had Cap’s number, he didn't have Natasha’s. He considered calling him and asking about Natasha, but if the woman was there for genuine reasons, then he didn't want to risk compromising her privacy. It was against not only the ethos of the group, but his own personal ethics. He stayed silent.

A few weeks into this happening he got a call from Cap. They had been emailing, thoughts about some music, movies and popular culture that he was being caught up on while in the hospital. 

‘Hey Sam.’

‘Hey Cap, how's it going?’

‘Good, good. The move to New York is finally complete.’

‘That’s great, man. I'm really happy for you.’

‘Thanks, I have to be honest, I didn't just call to catch up.’

‘Oh really, what's going on?’

‘How much space do you have in your schedule?’

‘I have some.’

‘Great. You know that Tony's taken over financing the Avengers? It won't be official until after these hearings, but he's setting up all the infrastructure along with Maris Hill so that it can get going asap. Our main task is looking for the leftover Hydra cells and dismantling them, but Tony's allowing a discretionary fund to look for Bucky, and that includes a part time position, to do some of the research. You were the first person I thought of. What do you think?’

‘I don't know, would I have to move to New York?’

‘Not necessarily. You could do most of the work from home and via conference calls, but you would be needed for the occasional meeting. You would need to sign an NDA and agree to do all your research via a secure computer which we would provide.’

‘And how many hours a week would it be?’

‘I was thinking twenty. But I’m not sure what your current work schedule and we can be flexible. Those hours are also up for negotiation as the search goes on.’

‘My schedule at the VA is a little bit too hectic to manage twenty hours, but if we start if at fifteen, then it might be something I can do.’

‘Great.’

‘Wait a minute, Cap, I haven’t agreed yet.’

‘What else do you need to know?’

‘Who else is going to be working on this? Well the bulk of the work is going to be done by you and me, but Natasha and Clint have both agreed to pitch in, and even do some training if needed after all their experience at Shield.’

‘Cool.’ Sam thought about all the times he’d seen Natasha over the past few weeks. ‘Is everyone else based in New York?’

‘Yes, well Natasha and I are. Clint says he is, but sometimes he seems to be a long way away and can’t come in on short notice. I think he’s working on some of the clean up for Shield agents whose identities have been compromised, and I can understand why he doesn’t want to talk to me about it.’

‘Don’t beat yourself up. You did what you had to do to stop Hydra.’

‘That’s not Natasha’s position, or Tony’s, or Maria’s, or Pepper’s actually, and looking back there are definitely those I could have looped in to make the exposure safer and easier, but mistakes happen, all I can do now is move on.’

‘Talking about it can help you know? And I’m not just saying that because it’s my job. I’m here for you man whatever you need.’

‘Thanks Sam. Does that mean you’re on board.’

‘How much you gonna pay me? And what kind of benefits package will I get. Will transport to New York for those meetings be covered?’

‘Transport will definitely be covered. You get dental and medical, four weeks paid vacation time a year per annum, plus public holidays, but that would be stripped back to reflect your hours proportionally.’

‘Four weeks? That’s crazy. I don’t know anyone who offers four weeks.’

‘It took me by surprise too. Tony’s been expanding Stark Industries since 2010, and he noticed that productivity was significantly higher in his European locations. He looked at the figures, and discovered that four weeks holiday was standard and they worked less hours a week leading to a healthier work life balance. He decided it was unfair for his American employees to have less vacation time than his European ones just because EU laws are more generous to workers than US ones, so he decided to implement it company wide. It was one of his most popular policies. Which is helpful because he decided to implement no paid overtime at the same time, and if you work too many hours one week you have to go home early the next, which is one of his least popular policies, especially among younger workers who enjoyed the extra income overtime provided, so they balance each other out.’

‘Wow, that is not what I would have expected of Tony Stark.’

‘In your defence, you’ve only met him once, and I think at least part of the reason he’s so strict is because it limits the amount of hours Pepper can work, although she amended her contract to a sixty hour per week one, the only one in the company, so she still has time to do everything.’

‘That’s a little closer to the tabloid image of Tony. You still haven’t told me how much you’re offering to pay me.’

‘That's because I can’t remember off the top of my head, but I’ll email you an offer letter and contract, obviously I want you on board, you’re my top choice, but it’s your decision.’

‘I’ll take a look and let you know my response soon. I might have to rearrange a few things at the VA, but I won’t leave you hanging too long.’

‘You better not, I’ll see you around, Sam.’

‘Just one thing. Are you sure Natasha’s living in New York?’

There was a moment of silence at the other end of the phone. Sam kind of regretted saying anything now.

‘Yes, why?’

‘It’s just I’ve spotted her in DC a few times. Never stopped long enough to actually have a conversation but I’m sure it’s her.’

‘She’s had quite a few meetings in DC with senators, lawyers, FBI, CIA etc ahead of her hearing next week. She’s taking the lead on the enquiry although we’re all testifying, so she has been up there quite a lot. That must be why. She's still living in New York though.’

‘Ok, cool. I’ll see you around, Cap.’

‘See you, Sam’

And the phone call was over, leaving Sam more than a little to think about.

The next meeting Natasha turned up at, she offered a story.

“My background is a little different than many of you as it was the KGB, the Russian intelligence service, not the American military that I started with. Eventually I defected, and in return for amnesty for my crimes, I joined Shield. Although amnesty was not the reason I joined. I was so highly trained, and had spent so long using my skills to support a dictatorship, that I thought the only way to rectify that evil, was to use the same set of skills in service of, who I then thought of as the good guys. Some of Shield’s methods were unscrupulous but at least they were used in the service of preserving peace, and upholding personal freedoms. Besides, a good chunk of the work we did involved dismantling cartels, criminal gangs, human traffickers and others like that, the real scum of the earth. As all of you will know, it was recently revealed that Shield was not solely Shield, but also a cover for Hydra. I know there were many good people, doing good work for the right reasons within Shield, but there were also people working for evil, and the organisation I joined in an attempt to atone, may have just been a vehicle for me to wreak further havok and evil upon the world. Any good I did, or I thought I was doing, seems to have been utterly undone by the evil agendas I unknowingly furthered.

“Part of me thought that by dismantling Shield and uncovering Hydra would be another step in the right direction, and I think in the long term it was, but our methods left a lot of collateral damage. 639 people died worldwide when Shield fell. Some were Hydra, some were Shield, but for many of the dead, it's impossible to know for certain which they were leaving families with unanswered questions which will most likely never be satisfied. Of those 639 people, 48 were civilians. The seven people who died when the helicarriers fell who have been all over the news. But the other 41 civilians were family members of Shield agents, some of Shield Agents who were undercover, the rest were simply targeted for their affiliation, and I have to live with the fact that I bear some of the responsibility for those deaths.

“There’s been a lot about confirmation bias in the news recently. How we hold our opinions, and then the people we surround ourselves with, and our social media feeds become an echo chamber for those opinions. I think despite it being pre-Facebook, I fell victim to such an echo chamber when I joined Shield. I was so focused on doing work for the right reasons that I may have overlooked the details that might have clued me into what Shield actually was earlier. That mistake is unforgivable and is entirely my own.

“Next week I will testify in front of congress and a special committee about the events leading to the fall of Shield, justify why our actions were necessary and why having the Avengers operating, going forward is necessary. I need to find a way to do that without hamstringing myself, or my colleagues, without dishonouring the dead, and without lying. To be completely honest I’m struggling to reconcile the three.”

The group murmerred, ‘thank you for sharing’ in response. A young woman shared some of the guilt she had felt after discovering a drone strike she had been involved in had led to the death of children, and how that had led her to leave the military, and the conversation moved on.

For the first time, Natasha lingered after the meeting. Hovering in the back of the room until Sam had finished. He approached her.

‘I have to say, the first time I saw you here I questioned your motives.’

‘First time you saw me here you were right too. Steve offer you the job yet?’

‘Yes.’

‘It was part of your background check.’

‘I helped you guys save hundreds of thousands of lives and you needed a background check?’

‘The job offer wasn’t necessarily dependent on it, but you're going to have access to some highly classified information and systems if you accept, and it’s good to be thorough.’

‘So that was the reason behind the first time. How about all the other times.’

‘I’ve never been to any kind of support group, or therapy for its own sake, and the sake of processing trauma. From observing the group I saw some of the value in talking things through.’

‘Well, if there wasn’t any value in it I would be out of a job.’

‘And straight into another job.’

‘I don’t want to stop the work I’m doing here. I’m helping people in a real and tangible way. In combat you know that what your doing is ultimately to protect people, but you don’t really get to see that side of things. When you’re in combat you only see the people you hurt. I imagine you know more about that than most.’

‘I do.’

‘Do you want to get a cup of coffee Natasha?’

‘Are you asking me in a date, Sam’

‘No. I just feel like maybe you have more to talk about, and we don’t have the room for that much longer.’

‘I didn’t reveal anything personal here. No details that weren’t available to the public after a quick Google search. Why I’m testifying and what I need to prove is public knowledge, as is now my background with the KGB and anyone looking through my Shield record can deduce that some of the ops I ran probably benefited Hydra more than Shield. Tony wiped some of it, the medical records mainly. Everything else is there for him to dig through. He and Steve are spending a lot of time together. We’ve spent maybe two days together, and no offence but I have someone I can confide in if I need to.’

‘I’m glad you do. And I hope you choose to.’

‘So, will I be seeing any more of you anytime soon?’

‘I emailed Steve this morning, I’m accepting the job.’

‘That’s good news, Steve could definitely use more friends.’

‘I kinda considered myself friends with you too, not just Steve.’ Natasha smiled at him, a smile that could mean anything in the world and could hide any host of feelings. She pulled a notebook and pen from her purse, scribbled a number down, ripped out the page and handed it to him’

‘What’s this?’

‘If we’re friends you should probably have my phone number. That’s my private one, not my work one, don’t hand it out.’

‘Do you want me to text you or drop call you?’ Sam asked.

‘What about me implies that you need to tell me your phone number for me to know it?’ Her dangerous smile was back.

‘Anyone ever told you that you can be a little scary?’ He asked.

‘Not a soul, see you around, Sam.’

‘See you’

Natasha left, and Sam didn't think he understood anything more about the woman than he had when she turned up to pick Steve up all those weeks ago. There was hope that he might begin to understand her, and promise of a friendship yet to form. 

He was hesitant to make any judgements, but he thought Natasha might be a little lost, treading water rather than swimming to shore. He hoped that whoever she had to confide in was there for her. He hoped that one day he might prove himself worthy enough to be included on that list, but with someone carrying as much guilt and trauma as Natasha, that would be a long time coming, if it ever happened.


End file.
